I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14
going home in 6 days!!! AHHH. just when i was starting to get used to the cold too, haha. oh welll…i think i’ve about resigned myself to the idea of going back. and i DO have fun there, it’s just so tiring to always be working and to always be around people…bleh!!
half a week after the turn of the new year, i think i’ve come up with some resolutions i should focus on for 2010! i thought that i didn’t have any, but these occurred to me recently…
1) be less passive-aggressive. i didn’t understand the phrase until recently, but now i’m seeing it EVERYWHERE! it’s frustrating, sickening and cowardly. i hate to see it in myself too…
2) be more efficient. aka study more, sleep less, go to all lectures :) hahaha. this occurred to me after i got my grades for the fall 2009 semester. i definitely worked harder during that semester but i still got the same grades or even a little lower. that feeling at the end of semester, where you KNOW you could’ve done better, is awful! next time, i want to be able to say that i tried my best and gave it my all, and the grade i get as a result of that…there’s nothing else to do but accept it.
3) seek God. self-explanatory. :)
hmm i feel like there was more, but i can’t remember at the moment… plenty to ponder and be proactive about already, i’m sure :)
You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates, 500 Days of Summer
pretty good day!
woke up late, spent a few hours making gingersnap cookies and my circular version of spam musubis…haha semi-fail on the spam musubis cuz of the shape, too much rice and soggy seaweed! but oh well. :) then went to cassandra’s to watch inglourious basterds and 500 days of summer!
i love the actor from 500 days of summer! hate the actress, or rather, her character. such a biatch… perhaps i identify with this movie quite a bit. or maybe the bittersweetness just really resonates with me. hmm… ehh on inglourious basterds. it was funny bc of some of the actors’ mannerisms but the plot actually kind of scared me. just envisioning how hopeless a situation like that would be! stuck as a nazi soldier, stuck as a spy, stuck as a Jew in the middle of the holocaust…it all sucks. haha serious thoughts for a movie that may not have been intended seriously…but still. reminds me to be thankful for being born when and where i am.
isabella’s back in seattle! excited to see here :) i really want to do something for new years eve! but i dunnooo…i can just see all of us playing dress up in cute little cocktail dresses, mingling in somebody’s living room and gesturing with wine glasses. full of apple cider, of course :) haha it would be so cute! don’t know if it’s going to happen though!
it occurred to me today that i miss andrew. and he’s only been at retreat for…2 days? so we haven’t talked for maybe…48 hours? this cannot be healthy. i thought we were working on that emotional dependence & emotional promiscuity thing? blehh…i don’t know if i should bring it up in one of our nightly, pre-bedtime conversations. i hate to bring things up like that. maybe i’m like an ostrich, just trying to bury my head in the sand so i can ignore any potential problems…haha! honestly though, it’s such a pity that two people who click together so well, who are so comfortable with each other, and who understand each other so well already cannot be together.
i want all that stuff again: the cute outings, the cute little gestures, that overflow of emotion when something big happens. i want that closeness and emotional intimacy with a boy again. not enough to throw it all into a semi-casual relationship though. sooo i guess i’m stuck. :)
i really need to start working out. i randomly did some crunches, ab workouts and push-ups (girly ones) yesterday and i just realized that i’m SORE. so pathetic! hahahaha… maybe i’ll actually start running too sometime? HAHA. we’ll see about that… :D
my day:
- being grumpy and annoyed at church; need to visit other churches
- eating lunch at arbys. yum :)
- passing out for a 4-hour nap. sleep always feels so much better when i’m sleep-deprived!
- reading. Genuine Lies, by Nora Roberts. one of the better ones i’ve read in a long time! i love how
jacob’s going to conference in kansas city. andrews gonna be at church camp mon-wed…tons of ppl at urbana right now too. isabella and cassandra are coming home tomorrowww…don’t know what to do for the rest of this week!
need to get my hair cut…
that’s about it. today was a little nauseatingly dissatisfied, a good solid dose of annoyance, and a little bit of contentment sprinkled in with getting into this book, snuggling with my new panda bear and making furikake chex mix.
Happy - Leona Lewis
This reminds me of childhood, except for the chocolate bisque. Our churros were filled with dulce de leche. Yum!
Churros with Spiced Chocolate Bisque
Follow the link for recipe.
Thanks to Cannelle et Vanille
gorgeous pictures for amazing memories in LA.
but my heart is still firmly here in seattle. i thought i could convince myself that i was having enough fun and learning enough in LA to forget the homesickness. but now that i’m home for christmas break, it’s amazingly, mercifully quiet. it’s pathetic to whine but i don’t want to go back to LA and back to bottling things inside, to passive-aggressive tendencies and to running hard for school/Epic and leaving no time for thinking.
is this a mild case of burnout? not sure.
i just know that i’m so not ready to leave home. my flight and LA is still 2 weeks away and i’m already dreading it.
to remember:
“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:3-6
